Remember that desire to cuddle with a cute girl? Yeah. Still there.
Still.
There.
Remember that desire to cuddle with a cute girl? Yeah. Still there.
Still.
There.
What a week it has been.
San Marcos. Kameron’s 21. Austin. SXSW. Work. Back to back 14 hour days. More work. Pay checks.
Feeling inspired again.
Exhausted.
Still freaking wanna cuddle. No kissing. No bull crap. No talking. Just cuddle.
When I listen to Mansion by Zlam, I freak out. Like legitimately lose control of body functions and just dance. Almost crashed today because I couldn’t help but dance.
Next week…will be awesome. Pretty sure I only close one day.
Today? Today was a good day.
I wanna go hiking.
Just me, a backpack, and just go walking through the woods, or a trail, or a mountain. Anything. Highly considering my next vacation to be a fun outdoor exploration.
I’m too excited to sleep. Can’t wait to see kameron and trey tomorrow.
It’s been a while since I’ve done a late night post, too much going on.
Had a much needed heart to heart last night.
I so diggin life right. But I’m still kinda lonely. I wouldn’t mind having a pretty lady care about me.
But I work too much. For now at least. That’ll change in about a month, hallelujeeer.
Yeah. Hallelujeeer.
You know, I wouldn’t mind having a girlfriend right now. I’m not begging for one, by any means, but I wouldn’t mind. Except for the fact that for the rest of February I’ll pretty much be working every day 11am-11:30/midnight. So….there’s just no time to chill. Sad, but true.
But I’m making HELLA bank. So I can deal.
Praying to be debt free sooooon.
You know what I love? The zombie apocalypse. Totally morbid I know. Trust me, I do not want to see the world go to crap or to lose my friends or family. But the idea of trying to survive and protect the ones I love in a world gone to hell with the dead coming back to try and eat my brains?
Awesome.
Do I have a zombie survival plan? It’s still in the works, but I have some sort of idea what I would do.
Do I know who I want to be with me in my group? Absolutely. Do I know who I would try and find first? Absolutely.
Once again, it would be terribly tragic, and as of right now I am nowhere near ready. But I’d really enjoy sitting on top of a building, sniping zombies with Mattbeal, Kamerosa, and Danielle Jean. It would just be good times.
Nineteen. Such a mysterious number to me now. Before I started reading the Dark Tower series, numbers were pretty much just normal to me. Ok….so I admit it, I’m a bit stereotypical when it comes to Asians and math, but whatever, not the point.
The point is, Stephen King didn’t create the phenomenon in my life surrounding the number nineteen. He simply showed me it was there. Now, it’s everywhere I go. I see it everywhere. Even when I’m not looking for it, it somehow pops up. In dates, in people’s name, in my gas mileage, on license plates….the list goes on.
All I’m really trying to say is, read the Dark Tower series. It’s pure brilliant. And it’s not as simple as “oh it’s a great story” or “you’ll get attached to the characters” or “the imagery is beautiful”. Yeah, it has all that, but it has something….indescribable. I just love it. And I want more people in my life who I can talk about the tower with. Be one of those people. Reading is good for the mind. It’s good for the heart. It’s good for the emotions. Trust me.
The Tower awaits you in the middle.
You would think that after being in a 3 year relationship, and having someone to spend every valentine’s day with, that being alone on valentine’s day would be pretty crumby. But actually, I’m not as sad as I thought I would be. In fact, I’m not sweatin it one bit.
I pee way more than the average person. But at the same time, I probably drink more as well. I’ve had 18 bottles of water today. Yeah. 18.
I can’t sleep, and it’s been a couple days since I’ve written one of these….so here it goes.
I realized today that because of my nature, people use me. Which is interesting to me, because I usually don’t mind. Like….it’s not such a big deal to me that people would use me for their own benefit. I guess it should….but it usually doesn’t.
Usually.
But right now…..I’m a little ticked off.
And it’s not cool anymore.
So I’m done.
And now all you’ve done is given me motivation.
So get the hell out of my way.
I realized today how extremely happy I am. And I mean, EXTREMELY happy. It’s weird. Just a few months ago I thought I would never be happy again, that I would find joy in nothing, hate everyone, and live my life alone, afraid, and worthless.
I don’t know what happened. It wasn’t exactly instant. But it wasn’t exactly gradual.
I’m free.
I’m exposed.
I’m allowing myself to live.
I’m learning.
I’m giving.
I’m taking. And that’s important too.
I’m starting to see things. I think my buddy Rosa calls in synthesia or something. Like….every song I listen to I’m beginning to see colors that I honestly feel are hidden in the song. It’s as if they were always there….and I just couldnt really see them before. Almost as if a door (its always a door) has been opened and I can see the colors now.
I had a terrifying dream the other night. I was being pulled by a demon. The scary part? I woke up and I couldnt move. I was frozen. And i could feel the demon holding me down. Well…more like holding my legs down. My heart was racing. I was absolutely shell-shocked. And then….out of nowhere….I could feel the pressure lifting. But it was fighting back. Like someone was pulling the pressure off of me, but the pressure wanted to stay. It went on for what felt like 5 minutes, until I finally decided to move. I specifically remember saying to myself “If this is real, then so be it. Sitting here playing dead wont do anything. And if its nothing, might as well get up and readjust yourself so youre comfortable.”
So I did.
And the pressure lifted.
Free.
Exposed.
Living.
